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perfect in a fucked up way
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[Monday,
June 27th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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alkaline trio - stupid kid |
] |
I'm making a new journal.
the memories this one holds are completely useless and I'd like to forget them now.
I disappoint myself on the time I spent on him.
I found someone. Someone I can make happy. Someone who actually loves me. And now I can finally be with him without regret.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) __stupid_kid
go add it. or dont
i really dont care
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| * tomorrows gonna come too soon * |
[Wednesday,
June 8th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
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 nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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eve 6 - here's to the night |
] |
I'll never feel so at home at one place ever again.
It's amazing how much changes and how much you grow in just a couple of years. When I first started school I was this snotty stuck up bitch who was only concerned with being accepted by a bunch of asshole losers. I'd like think that I've changed a bit. I do have my moments but I no longer feel the need to be "accepted'. I kind of realized that you will never get anywhere in life by saying "oh and I was popular in highschool". who the fuck cares?
I kind of want to say thanks to everyone who has changed me into a better person. You guys were my family and my main support. I want you guys to know just how proud I am of you. You are all such amazing people and I have been blessed with such great friends. You guys are so unique and funny and witty. I'll never find another group of friends like you.
( now here comes the gushy personal stuff. )
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| * this modern love * |
[Tuesday,
May 24th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 impressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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bloc party - this modern love |
] |
I'm not fucking this up.
I refuse.
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| * i was just a stupid kid back then * |
[Wednesday,
May 4th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 rejected |
] |
I take back every word that I said....
uhm. everything is shit. people are liars.
My mom is about to kick me out. I might have to pay the rest of this prom shit.
Joe hates me and this bothers me so much. I wanted to call him yesterday but I know he'll just hang up on me.
aparently I'm "grounded"
aparently I'm 12 yrs old.
the fucking bitch.
I'm so mad at everything.
I love being in school. I dont want to go home. I like being around everyone and feeling wanted. but no one is there when I get home. someone come live with me!
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| * I just dont care * |
[Tuesday,
May 3rd, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
hm.
I don't care much about anything anymore.
I like it.
fuck you.
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[Thursday,
April 14th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
so this is goodbye....
creep x magnet: i feel like theres something wrong with me and i know there isnt
ZombiesAreJerks: there isnt!
creep x magnet: but i cant shake the feeling, i know its because you dont know what you want, you dont want me but then you do but you hate me with other people
creep x magnet: and i was starting to become fine with being alone, florida really helped me and now im back to where i started
creep x magnet: im trying to get love where there is none and its so stupid of me
creep x magnet: you love me but you dont
creep x magnet: youll always have a little bit of love for me but i know you have feelings for other people and you want to meet other people
creep x magnet: so thats fine
ZombiesAreJerks: jesus christ
creep x magnet: just be happy with whatever you want to do
creep x magnet: if you want me PLEASE act like it
ZombiesAreJerks: lindsAy i think everything you said is right
creep x magnet: yeah i know
ZombiesAreJerks: then i guess we should break up
creep x magnet: yeah
creep x magnet: can i still see you tonight
creep x magnet: case id like to talk in person
ZombiesAreJerks: lindsAy im so sorry. You're absolutely right. I didn't know what I wanted and I'm sorry for dragging you down because of it.
ZombiesAreJerks: yes definitely
creep x magnet: come over now
creep x magnet: because im shaking
creep x magnet: im so pissed
creep x magnet: i hate you for this
ZombiesAreJerks: i cant come over now
ZombiesAreJerks: i have to finish this
creep x magnet: what you did to me was wrong mike
ZombiesAreJerks: i know it was
creep x magnet: and doing it a 2nd time was horrible
ZombiesAreJerks: but i didnt realize what i was doing it
ZombiesAreJerks: i thought this was what i wanted
creep x magnet: you want sue
creep x magnet: i know you like her
creep x magnet: im not dumb
ZombiesAreJerks: no i dont
ZombiesAreJerks: i dont like sue that way
ZombiesAreJerks: that much i know
creep x magnet: i never did anything to drive you to this, i never treated you badly as much as you say i did
ZombiesAreJerks: this time u didnt
creep x magnet: i loved you more than anyone will ever love you
ZombiesAreJerks: i know
creep x magnet: dont ever do this to someone else
ZombiesAreJerks: i wont
ZombiesAreJerks: i didnt want to do this to you
creep x magnet: but you did mike
ZombiesAreJerks: i know i did
ZombiesAreJerks: and im sorry
ZombiesAreJerks: i thought i knew
ZombiesAreJerks: you did nothing wrong this time
creep x magnet: i dont know whats wrong with you
creep x magnet: but really its not right, you blame others way too much
creep x magnet: start thinking about other people but yourself
ZombiesAreJerks: im taking responsibility for this
ZombiesAreJerks: i didnt know what i wanted
ZombiesAreJerks: but i thought i did
creep x magnet: you dont want me to get over you
creep x magnet: it hurts you
ZombiesAreJerks: and im sorry it ended up hurting you. i dont know what else to do
ZombiesAreJerks: no im not over you
ZombiesAreJerks: but i dont want to be with you
ZombiesAreJerks: i dont get it
ZombiesAreJerks: and thats why i tried to not talk to you
ZombiesAreJerks: because i felt that was the easiest way out
creep x magnet: you never even gave it a real chance, you didnt open up to me
ZombiesAreJerks: out of sight, out of mind, you know?
creep x magnet: are you going to prom or no?
ZombiesAreJerks: only if u want me to
creep x magnet: im fucked if you dont
ZombiesAreJerks: and if u need help paying for whatever, ill do i
ZombiesAreJerks: t
creep x magnet: the only person i had a real chance with i told no last night
ZombiesAreJerks: well its ur call
ZombiesAreJerks: i already have off from work, so yes or no. its all the same to me. change ur mind whenever. ur not obligated to take me
creep x magnet: im still coming over tonight right?
creep x magnet: this online shit bothers me
creep x magnet: alot
ZombiesAreJerks: yea of course
ZombiesAreJerks: well i wasnt even thinking of doing this until u said all that shit
ZombiesAreJerks: and u were right
ZombiesAreJerks: i hadnt even noticed it
creep x magnet: im so unhappy right now, and youre so happy
creep x magnet: i hate it
creep x magnet: i wish i never met you
creep x magnet: i learned nothing this time
ZombiesAreJerks: well i tried to remove you premanently. YOU called ME.
creep x magnet: everyone warned me this time and i gave you a chance amd i feel like a a jerkoff
ZombiesAreJerks: i tried to stop this from happening
creep x magnet: whats wrong with me mike?
ZombiesAreJerks: i tried to cut you off
ZombiesAreJerks: nothing is wrong with you
ZombiesAreJerks: im not the person you need to be talking to about this.
creep x magnet: yes you are. youre the one who rejected me
ZombiesAreJerks: there's nothing wrong with you
ZombiesAreJerks: i told you. you did nothing wrong this time
creep x magnet: but whatever, i mean you obviously have shit you need to work out
creep x magnet: you need to figure out what the hell you want
creep x magnet: i hope you come to that conclusion soon
ZombiesAreJerks: well watever happens now is up to you
creep x magnet: i love you and i hope one day you actually give this a good chance and love me back. ive never met anyone ive ever clicked with this much. but im not going to wait around. im going to find someone who knows what they want
creep x magnet: and if by chance you still want me, then ill be there. but im going to do what i want
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[Wednesday,
April 13th, 2005] |
dear journal,
I've grown up.
piece out.
deletion in 24 hours.
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[Tuesday,
July 6th, 2004] |
 Comment to be added
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